Taking it on the lamb for the holidays in style!

Bloggernauts unite for the opportunity to hone in in the capybara mating ritual known locally as the Atajo de los Gauchos.
It includes a kit:

a syringe for the basting
a boom box for the blastin'
a concierge for service
a propeller for effects
rhino dust for the mystics
and a cricket for the shooshing.

Mix it all together on the 43rd of April, and you'll glow like a globe trottin' hobo on a sailboat.

For your holiday loved ones

Send me size and qty - or take two steps back...

Screw GFBD! - It's Session Saturday!

r u down?

There's worse things than getting fucked by a bear, Julian

Trailcam sights samsquanch in northern MN! - http://www.twincities.com/ci_13968657

snorting...

I am snorting pure, uncut internet

Take Two Steps Back...

and go fuck yourself.

New Chapter Afterbirff

No Rules!

Santa Rampage MKE

homie research continues

T Minus 4:20 until launch time

Giant hamster

If your homework gets eaten by the dog, and sneezed out by a capybara... then you have giant rodents in the house.

Beach Ride and Unicorn Hunt

Click here for magical powers!

Pedal Car

A moment of silence...

Conformity

Rock that Rebel Beat, Amigos!

Delicious Unicorn Recipies

Ezra may be directly descended from Leonardo DaVinci or Michaelangelo

FASST from Sam Newman on Vimeo.

Netto's New Tatoo

Fat-Bike for Gnomes

I vote Yes!

The Growler City Bike is a concept by industrial designer Joey Ruiter. He took a Growler from a local pub and set out to build a bike around it, with a cafe racer style. The bike features fat 29 inch tires, monarch springer front end, 2 speed internal kickback hub, disc brakes, and a drink holder allowing the rider to transport a half gallon jug of beer.

Lake Geneva Gathering Sept. 7th (Show & Go)

FAT TIRE MEMORIAL TOUR OF LAKE GENEVA

Back to Calendar

The Fat Tire Memorial Tour of Lake Geneva is a fun bicycle ride on paved roads around Geneva Lake Wisconsin. Beginning with a mass group start at Champ's Sports Bar & Grill in the City of Lake Geneva. The ride consists of nine designated stops at sponsoring taverns. Proceeding at your own pace the ride is approximately 21.5 miles and the "rest" stops are evenly spaced. The ride is held rain or shine and travels through Lake Geneva Fontana and Williams Bay with great views of Geneva Lake and Lake Como. Our new Benefactor is the Walworth County Alliance of Children. A not-for-profit program dedicated to our local children through assisting the devastating experience of physical and sexual abuse and neglect. Visit www.WCACWI.org for more information and to find out more how you can contribute. Registration: 8:30am. Ride begins: 10:00am. 

Date & Time:Saturday, September 07, 2013
All-Day Event

Location:Champ's Beer Garden, 747 Main Street
Lake Geneva, WI 53147

white dunks on pope

GnomeFest X - This is not a drill!

GnomeFest heads into virgin territory for it’s Tenth reincarnation bringing the fun and festivities to the trails of the Chequamegon-Nicolet National Forest.  Serving as our bunker for this year’s assault on the covert Gnome forces of the Northwoods will be the fabulous Bear Paw Outdoor Adventure Resort in White Lake (Have you heard?  They have a BAR!  With food!).  Of course, what would Gnome-Fest be without miles of dreamy single track for you to go and play bikes on?  The Nicolet-Roche trail system offers up some of the best single track that Wisconsin has to offer.  These trails range from fast and flowy to technical (boulders anyone?!) and offer something for everyone.  If you like to ride your bike on dirt, smiles will be produced and you will not be disappointed!

GnomeFest X starts at Noon on Friday. Camping at Bear Paw is for registered attendees and is good for Friday and Saturday nights.  If you are arriving early or staying later, you need to make arrangements directly with Bear Paw.

FRIDAY

CHECK IN & REGISTRATION

Lets just get this out of the way – Gnome Fest X is going to rock!  Come prepared to have fun on bikes. 

Registration Hours - Friday, between 4pm and 9pm and Saturday between 9am and 11 am.  Registration will take place on the back sun deck of the Bear Paw Pub.

Pre- Registration - Citizens of Gnome City will get their GFX t-shirt (if applicable), fancy GFX patch, one free raffle ticket, and receive a festival wristband that grants access to the kegs and all of the other events. Your camping (Friday and Saturday night) is included in your pre-paid registration fees.

On-Site Registration - You'll be able to register on-site at the festival for $50 per person.  You won’t get the t-shirt or free raffle ticket (you can buy some), but you’ll get everything else plus a good time. To stay in the good graces of the Northwood gnomes, make sure you bring must have items like a costume for the dwarf cycle, beer for the beer pool, and some chili or food to share.

Everyone must register and sign a waiver to be admitted into the festival grounds - and then - Lets play bikes!

CAMPING

- Check in and register BEFORE you set up camp. Registration is open from 4-8 pm on Friday evening and Saturday from 9-11. Registration will be located on the sun deck of the Bear Paw’s pub.  After you register, stop in and have a beer or two (maybe a tasty bite to eat) and say howdy to our hosts.

- Bring Garbage Bags – pack out everything you pack in – we mean everything – dog poop, used condoms, punctured blow up dolls, wigs, dead gerbils…..EVERYTHING

- Remember your Camp Chair

- Bring Warm Clothes and a Warm Cozy Sleeping Nest (gnite-time temps can drop into the 40’s)

- We will supply wood for a large communal fire. No other fires are permitted.

- Bring Ear Plugs if you have any hope of getting any sleep

-Camping isn’t your thing?  Contact the Bear Paw (http://bearpawoutdoors.com/).  They may still have some cabins to rent.

Swag SWAP!

Since it was such a success last year, we're asking all of our guests to bring an item of swag to be given away during the Dirt Cat Awards to the crowd. We all have things that we've won or outgrown that sit in our drawers or garages that we'll never use so what better way to clear out the clutter.  New or used items are ok as long as they are in good condition. Bring your swag item with you to the Gnome City Registration HQ sun deck when you check in.

KEGGER PARTY

We tap the first keg at around 7pm and derby all night long around a raging bonfire.  Who knows, maybe someone will throw down on the pump track. . .

- Registered guests of the fest should bring a mug or stein for the delicious beer from Lakefront Brewing.

- Don't forget to cook some dinner for yourself

FRIDAY NIGHT RIDE

Not much needs said about a night ride. If it’s your first- this is a great ride. If it’s your 100th- this is a great ride. Don't worry about pushing a huge pace or gear- this is as social of a ride as there can be single-file in the woods. We take regular stops to regroup and have been known to stop for a beverage occasionally. Derbies in the dark have also been known to spontaneously erupt. It is one of the only times I can remember being able to see lights in the woods as far in front and behind as my eyes could go. Night rides go off all weekend at GF, but this ride on Friday night (departure will be around 9ish) is a great kick off for the weekend- and rearrival to the kegs is the happiest ending. To sweeten the pot, this year's night ride will be lead by none other than our expert local team of Charlie Johnson and Scott "Mr. Bear Paw" Berry.

What you need -

- all the necessary riding gear including helmets

- bring a light and a charged battery- its good to bring the charger if you can snag an outlet for a bit.

- the group will stay together so navigation should only be necessary if you choose to turn off early or just go on your own.

- water as well as booze are encouraged for the ride. The gnomes get feisty at night and need to be appeased sometimes.

- spare tubes, chains, and other small parts are great to have. There are people with the mechanical knowledge to fix you up, but can't create components out of thin air.

- ride time is usually an hour thirty- two hours.

Saturday

- Register if you came in late.  Registration is open from 9-11 am on Saturday morning. Registration HQ will be located on the deck of the Bear Paw’s pub.

- Get up and go for a ride with your new friends!

- Get familiar with the trail system (it will help you in the Dirt Cat)

WILD COUGAR FORMATION

Ladies "WCF" Ride - Saturday Morning 10:00am

This year’s ladies ride will be led by none other than Bear Paw’s High Priestess Jamee Peters.  The ride will be a 2ish hour guided casual, all ability ride through the singletrack located on the Bear Paw property. Watch out for the gnomes. Our ride will start and end from the back deck of the Bear Paw pub. Of course, as has become tradition, bring along beverages (wine?) that you would like enjoy during the ride.  When you return, continue to bask in the warm glow of your fellow ladies and enjoy some food and drink at the pub.  Don't miss out on the best girl ride of the season. This is planned as a casual 2 hour ride.

What you need -

- All the necessary riding gear including helmets

- Water, food, repair kit (we can share repair stuff)

NOONISH IN GNOME CITY - Man Camp

- Return from rides, make some lunch, derby, get ready to race!

DIRT CAT ~1:30 pm rider meeting

This year’s running of the Dirt Cat is brought to you by none other than Mr. GnomeFest himself – GOMEZ!!

I don't know how I got rooked into running this race. I was supposed to be retired from running things at gnome-fest. But it looks like I'm the mayor of the gnome fest Dirt Cat. I've enlisted the assistance of the gnome fest dirt cat inventor and creator Cale Wenthur and the two of us together will act as race officials.

I am not a fan of traditional bicycle racing, so this is a race where the fastest rider will not necessarily Win. Luck, chivalry and common courtesy will play a significant role in winning the dirt cat crown. In the great tradition of the GnomeFest Enduro, we'll ride, parade fashion out to a spot and Derby. After that, you'll have a few hours to visit several checkpoints where you will be tested. You will be given a score at each checkpoint. At the end of the race you will be given an envelope that contains your bonus score. The riders with the highest scores will win prizes. so as you can see, there is no reason to rush or push or hammer the race course. There will be plenty of time to play on the numerous rock features, hang out and take pictures and have fun.

The GFX Dirt Cat will be unlike any other race you've ever entered!!

Tips for the Gnome-Dirt Cat

- join the parade - even if you don't race ride with the group.

- As always, embrace the unusual…costumes, drag queens, elvis impersonators, tube tops, luchadero masks……etc.

- Be serious about the competition or just come along for the ride…..the Dirt Cat format offers something for almost everyone. Remember, just because you’re the fastest doesn’t mean you’re going to win.

- Have fun! Let down your hair and go play bikes!

- This is an all abilities event, however, the beginners should feel comfortable with the use of a trailmap, so if the event goes beyond their comfort level, they can simply ride back to camp (unassisted).

SATURDAY EVENING

Chili Contest / Pot-Luck

Last year the return of chili cook-off/pot luck was such a success that we’re doing it again this year. Gnomes love chili, and Gnomefesters are no different. All types are appreciated whether it is vegetarian, meatatarian, or a conglomeration. As with last year, judging will be done by a panel of Gnomefest veterans (and people who love a good bowl of chili). Don’t like chili but you'd still like to participate? No problem - you should make something else- desserts, corn bread, bacon, brats -- anything. We aren't picky.  Last year we had quite an impressive array of chili so the bar is set pretty high.  The Golden Ladle is up for grabs so consider yourselves warned.

The best motto at GF is to think, "I give before I take." This can be applied to many facets of Gnomefest and keeps you in the gnomes' good graces. Serving time will be Saturday evening post dirt-cat on the sun deck of the Bear Paw’s pub. The more participation the grander the scale of pot-luckiness.  Oh, and what goes better with Chili than a nice cold one.

For chili contest cookers:

-have enough chili for 10-12 "servings"

-bring all necessary condiments to jazz up your chili to the fullest

-YOU must be able to bring the chili up to serving temperature. We have tables to put the chili on, but can't -rely on outlet availability for crock pots or hot plates.-

-Also please bring some type of oven mitt to put the chili on- can't burn those picnic tables

-a serving utensil to distribute the chili

-recipe if you want

OTHER STUFF YOU CAN BRING

-plates and utensils for you to eat with. Also cups and napkins are nice.

-ways to keep cold, cool, warm, or hot whatever it is you bring,

-If you are vegetarian or make vegetarian dishes it is nice to mark the dish with something for easy distinguishing.

It’s recommend to have the chili fully assembled and cooked before coming. Time flies at GF and you will only have around an hour, max, to be able to get everything in order. That way you only put it on the fire for a bit and carry it into the chalet.

For the tasters:

- Bring your own bowl and spoon

- help us clean up

AWARDS

This is where we award trophies to the top 3 places in the Dirt Cat, the winner of the Chili Contest, raffle drawing (winner must be present), and the SWAG Swap will make it rain presents just like gnome-xmas!  

BEER POT LUCK - the baby pools

BRING ALL THE AWESOME BEER YOU WANT TO DRINK WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND PUT IT IN THE POOL.

The more diverse, awesome beer that you can find is what we're talking about.  Think beer potluck.  Beer smorgasbord.  Beer . . . you get the idea! Bring that cellar whale you’ve been sitting on, bring good craft brewed beer, bring your best homebrew, bring some crazy wicked IPA from some brewpub by your house, Belgian beer - local beer - good beer. All shall be shared and we will all be friends when the cows come home.

Also bring a that sweet mug/cup/chalice/stein/champaign flute that you used for the kegs on Friday, so we can save some red plastic cups.  And remember, spirits are welcome as well....let’s do this!

THE DWARF CYCLE DEATH RACE

GFX will bring yet another installment of the gnomes' favorite event... Dwarf Cycle Death Race. If you don't know what the DCDR is you are in for a treat - an even bigger treat if you are a veteran of this awesome example of debauchery. The format will be as usual - Racers line up at the start/finish, in costume, powered by a favorite high octane fuel, and ride what else? Dwarf Cycles (a.k.a. little kid’s bikes) in a head-to-head figure 8 of death! Lighting of The Captain Conelingus Race Course and Polo Grounds will commence at O-Drunk-Thirty and racing will start shortly after. It is the brutal-ness of a street brawl combined with the glam of your favorite drag show.  Come prepared with costumes and courage (liquid or otherwise). Do you have what it takes to become the DCDR Pan Galactic Grand Champion? We shall see.

As with last year, the number of entrants will be limited this year to facilitate a smooth and timely flow to the race so if you want to race sign up early. (Bribes to the DCDR Dominatrix may or may not help your cause should you miss the signup window - but I wouldn't count on it.)

Sunday

Go out and play bikes with your new amigos. Sunday is the best day at Gnome-Fest....we just ride for fun !

Please use those Garbage bags that we told you to bring and clean up your camp area - like a good scout!

  

  

THINGS TO BRING

Same old same old but it still applies!

Bike[s].  – Especially fat bikes, 29+, and ones with two wheels

Bike gear - Helmet[s], shoes, tools, tubes, etc., etc.

Toothbrush.

First aid stuff, cause you might get cut!

A glorious costume for the Dwarf Cycle

Good beer to share.

Garbage Bags (the big black kind)

Food

Camp chair

Rain Gear

Camping gear

Swag for the retro-gnome swag swap

Don’t forget - Costume for Saturday Night's festivities

Fun attitude

A frisbee

Canteen - yeah, those old ones that look like the round part of a banjo.

Soap – Bear Paw has showers

Tic-Tacs - you never know who'll you end up making out with

2nd aid kit

Pillow

Have we mentioned? – GOOD BEER!

Blanket

A willingness to accept/give bribes.

Fanny pack

EAR PLUGS

NO - fireworks

Camera

Toilet paper - because you never know

Plenty of ice - because keeping things cold is good thing

A Stein or Mug for Friday night's keg(s)

Bug spray

Butter – just because

Your sense of humor

Zip-off convertible bra

A ride home, cause we're not going your direction.

Don’t forget that special local Beer for Saturday Night’s beer pot luck

Bladder bra for your secret/suggestive boozing

Booze if you don't like beer (what are you, weird?) – we like weird!

NO Bad Attitudes – gnome-fest is a judgment free, love in style, bike joint

Booze for bribes at the Dirt Cat

Other 'stuff' for bribes.

Fairy Dust – a natural Gnome repellent

WHAT NOT TO BRING

Firearms

Fireworks

Perfume

STD’s

Firewood

Keep it Local

808

Eight o Eight

Black Cat

not just firecrackers

We can rebuild him...

Julio's shiv got confiscated at the aeropuerto!

Monotony

Dance Lessons

Chinny chin chin

your brain on BBR

Hula 4 Jebuzz

real racing

Gnome Hunting

GnomeFest X - Get Ready

Dirt under your Nails

rat-rod fatty fork

Black Ribbon Pueblo

Plushie Bike Club

For Better Hi-Way Vision

masque

Mommy has the winds...

The Evil Pope

Am I Evil? Yes I am.

Trigger Dicipline

BBR Death Squad

Tweed Congress

The Bike Black Ribbon board of regents will host a wet beard congress in Iowa City the first Saturday in April.

winner

stunt research

if the van is'a rock'n

hanky-panky