Monday, August 27, 2012

Gnome-Fest Nueve' Instruction Manual

This is a Public Service Announcement - With Guitars!

The festival opens at Noon on Friday. Camping at Nine Mile is allowed by permit only. Our Permit starts at noon on Friday and ends at 6pm on Sunday.



We anticipate Gnome-Fest Nueve will be the largest we've ever held, so get ready to have FUN on bikes! We're asking all of our guests to bring an item of swag to be given away during the Dirt Cat Awards to the crowd. We all have things that we've won or outgrown that sit in our drawers or garages that we'll never use.  New or used items are ok as long as they are in good condition. Bring your swag item with you to Gnome City Hall, when you check in.

Registration Hours - Friday, between 6pm and 10pm and Saturday between 9am and 11 am.

Pre- Registration - Citizens of Gnome City will get their GF-9 t-shirt and receive a festival wrist band that grants access to the kegs and all of the other events. Your trail pass and camping are included in your pre-paid registration fees.

On-Site Registration - You'll be able to register on-site at the festival for $60 per person. Make sure you bring the items in red, that we list at the bottom of the page, for best results

Everyone must register and sign a waiver to be admitted into the festival grounds - and then - Lets play bikes!

2 week old honey badger


- Check in and register BEFORE you set up camp. - buy raffle tickets - Registration is open from 6-10 pm on Friday evening. Registration will be in Gnome City at City Hall (not the chalet)

- Bring Garbage Bags – pack out everything you pack in – we mean everything – dog poop, used condoms, punctured blow up dolls, wigs, welsh cowboys…..EVERYTHING

- Bring Lots of Drinking Water – There is no water available at the festival grounds

- Remember your Camp Chair

- Bring Warm Clothes and a Warm Cozy Sleeping Nest (gnite-time temps can drop into the 40’s)

- We will supply wood for a large communal fire. No other fires are permitted.

- Bring Ear Plugs if you have any hope of getting any sleep- buy raffle tickets -


We tap the first keg at around 7pm and derby all night long around a raging bonfire.

- Registered guests of the fest should bring a mug or stein for the 4 kegs of craft brewed beer from Lakefront Brewing.

- Don't forget to cook some dinner for yourself


Not much needs said about a night ride. If its your first- this is a great ride. If its your 100th- this is a great ride. Don't worry about pushing a huge pace or gear- this is as social of a ride as there can be single-file in the woods. We take regular stops to regroup and have been known to stop for a beverage occasionally. Derbies in the dark have also been know to spontaneously erupt. It is one of the only times I can remember being able to see lights in the woods as far in front and behind as my eyes could go. Night rides go off all weekend at GF, but this ride on Friday night between 9:30-10 is a great kick off for the weekend- and rearrival to the kegs is the happiest ending.

What you need -

- all the necessary riding gear including helmets

- bring a light and a charged battery- its good to bring the charger if you can snag an outlet for a bit.

- the group will stay together so navigation should only be necessary if you choose to turn off early or just go on your own.

- water as well as booze are encouraged for the ride. The gnomes get feisty at night and need to be appeased sometimes.

- spare tubes, chains, and other small parts are great to have. there are people with the mechanical knowledge to fix you up, but can't create components out of thin air.

- ride time is usually an hour thirty- two hours.


- Register if you came in late. - buy raffle tickets -Registration is open from 9-11 am on Saturday morning. Registration will be in Gnome City at City Hall (not the chalet)

- Get up and go for a ride with your new friends!

- Get familiar with the trail system (it will help you in the Dirt Cat)

wombat and bionic woman


Ladies "WCF" Ride - Saturday Morning 10:00am

This year we are honored to have mountain bike legend Jackie Phelin riding with us and partaking in the Gnome-Fest shenanigans. The ride will be a 2 hour guided casual, all ability ride through fun, rocky, swooping trails. Watch out for the gnomes. Our ride will end at a remote location ("WCF" playground), which will also be where the start of the Dirt Cat Race will take place after our Luncheon. We are asking that you prepare a sack lunch along with beverages (wine?) that you would like enjoy after the ride. We'll pack everything into coolers and transport it to the Luncheon spot for you, so we can ride like the wind. You can also include a blanket and a drop bag of clothes that you might want for the Dirt Cat. During lunch we'll get to talk with Jackie so start thinking about questions that you would like to ask this fun and crazy mountain bike women that paved the way for lady mountain bikers. Im sure she'll have much to tell us about her travels and adventures from around the world! Don't miss out on the best girl ride of the season. This is planned as a casual 2 hour ride.

What you need -

- all the necessary riding gear including helmets

- water, food, repair kit (we can share repair stuff)

- Sack lunch & Beverages

- Drop bag of clothes, picnic blanket


- return from rides, make some lunch, buy raffle tickets, get ready to race!

the bearcat

DIRT CAT ~1:30 pm rider meeting

This year the DirtCat will test your skills. Can you ride singletrack? Of course! you say. I'm a knarly rider. I can ride nearly anything! Well that's good I say. Are you also adept at the skilled art of bribery? A simple tug off of a flask may not suffice this year. You'll have to get creative! Promises made are better kept. Be a beer server. For the night. Bring food. Be a dance partner! Cause you know we'll have music. What about navigation? You may be able to get around the city well enough, but what about the woods? After huffing up a steep climb, or getting your front tire stuffed into the nook between a rock and root. Can you ride, bribe, and navigate, and then as a last step, act the fool? Can you pull a talent out of your helmet? Can you sing? Do you have an abnormal talent that judges would find amazing? Have you a troop of like minded individuals that can wow a crowd of jaded [most likely] drunkards? Can you tie ALL of these skills together in one coherent two hour stretch and emerge as the overall badass of the GnomeFest Nueve DirtCat?

Tips for the Gnome-Dirt Cat

- join the parade - even if you don't race ride with the group, Parade style out to meet up with the ladies at the WCF Playground.

- Embrace the unusual…costumes, drag queens, elvis impersonators, tube tops, luchaderos masks……etc.

- Be serious about the competition or just come along for the ride…..the Dirt Cat format offers something for almost everyone.

- Have fun! We will have special recognition (prizes) for various absurd catatgories chosen at random by our panel of Gnome Elders…….so let down your hair and go play bikes!

- This is an all abilities event, however, the beginners should feel comfortable with the use of a trailmap, so if the event goes beyond their comfort level, they can simply ride back to camp (unassisted)


Chili Contest / Pot-Luck

The chili cook-off/ pot-luck is back. Gnomes love chili, and Gnomefesters are no different. All types are appreciated whether it be vegetarian, meatatarian, or a conglomeration. Judging will be done by a panel of Gnomefest veterans- people I met the last time GF was at Wausau- GF4. Judging criteria will be as follows: overall flavor, 2nd bite lusting, and textural appeal. Everyone who brings chili to share will receive a free raffle ticket for a FREE 9zero7 frame (everyone else should buy some 1 -$5 or 5 for $20). If chili isn't your thing, but you'd still like to participate you should make something else- desserts, corn bread, bacon, brats- anything. We aren't picky, and you get the satisfaction of contributing; you just don't get a free ticket- you have to buy them.

I think the best motto at GF is to think, "I give before I take." This can be applied to many facets of Gnomefest and keeps you in the gnomes' good graces. Serving time will be Saturday evening post dirt-cat inside the chalet. The more participation the grander the scale of pot-luckiness.

For chilli contest cookers:

-have enough chili for 10-12 "servings"
-bring all necessary condiments to jazz up your chili to the fullest
-YOU must be able to bring the chili up to serving temperature. We have tables to put the chili on, but can't -rely on outlet availability for crock pots or hot plates.-
-Also please bring some type of oven mitt to put the chili on- can't burn those rented tables
-a serving utensil to distribute the chili
-recipe if you want
-plates and utensils for you to eat with. Also cups and napkins are nice.
-ways to keep cold, cool, warm, or hot whatever it is you bring,
-If you are vegetarian or make vegetarian dishes it is nice to mark the dish with something for easy distinguishing.

I recommend having the chili fully assembled and cooked before coming. Time flies at GF and you will only have around an hour, max, to be able to get everything in order. That way you only put it on the fire for a bit and carry it into the chalet.

For the tasters:

- Bring your own bowl and spoon
- help us clean up

HOME BREW CONTEST - Judged by Lakefront's Colin Ford, PWC

(Gnome-Brew Contest)

Contestants should bring any homebrew in a bottle or keg, There are no limits. that includes Brew style, ABV, spices, or infusions. Yes wine is included in this. If i puke from your beer you are the loser, I will decide on a First, Second, and Third place Brew. just like a race podium, kapiche? Save your homebrews in a cool place until saturday evening. Along with any brews you want to bring to the POOL!!!


This is where we award trophies to the top 3 places in the Dirt Cat, The winners of the Chilli Contest, Home Brew contests will be announced and the SWAG Swap will make it rain presents just like gnome-xmas! This is also when we'll pick the raffle ticket that will award one lucky citizen of Gnome-City a new 9:Zero:7 fat-bike frame and fork from the good and clean folks at M&M Cyclery!

BEER POT LUCK - the baby pools


The more diverse awesome beer that you can find is what we're talking about. Bring that beer youve been saving for 3 years, bring good craft brewed beer, bring some crazy wicked ipa from some brewpub by your house, belgian beer - local beer - good beer. All shall be shared and we will all be friends when the cows come home.

Also bring a that sweet mug that you used for the kegs on friday, so we can save some red plastic cups...whiskey is also great....lets get drunk.



What can you really say about the Dwarf Cycle Death Race that hasn’t already been said? For 2012, the DCDR returns to where it all began – in a giant field at Nine Mile County Forest Recreation Area. Whether this is your first DCDR or your eighth (we didn’t run it the first year smarty pants), you should all come equally prepared to do battle on the Captain Conelingus Race Course and Polo Grounds, where contestants will go head-to-head in a single elimination tournament that will test the limits of your cycling prowess. This year’s race will follow the same format as year’s past – orange cones set up in a figure 8 of death race way, a start line (w/ race fuel), and of course, little bikes. Throw in the glare of car headlights, rowdy spectators, and bunch of costumed (you do have a costume, right?!), over-served bike nuts and the race takes on a life of its own. Equal parts gladiator style arena combat and Rocky Horror Picture Show. Of course, the DCDR always holds a few surprises up her sleeve . . .

Take Note - The only major change for this year is that we are limiting the number of racers. This is being done in an effort to move things along in a more timely fashion. As a result, the signup sheet will be at registration. It goes without saying that the spots will go fast, so if you want to race, you better sign up early or risk just being a spectator!!


Go out and play bikes with your new amigos. Sunday is the best day at Gnome-Fest....we just ride for fun !

Please use those Garbage bags that we told you to bring and clean up your camp area - like a good scout!


Bike[s].  - Especially ({{Fat-Bikes!)}]
extra tubes for those pinchies, or burps.
Various bike tools [other than yourself].
First aid stuff, cause you might get cut!
Completely Wack Costumage
Non-lame beer to share.
Large Reinforced Plastic Garbage Bags
Food for the weekend
A camp chair for around the fire
Rain Gear
Camping gear
Swag for the retro-gnome swag swap
costume for Saturday Night's festivities
Fun attitude
A frisbee will add support to paper plates when the plate is placed inside
Laundry lint
Canteen - yeah, those old ones that look like the round part of a banjo.
Tic-Tacs - you never know who'll you end up making out with
2nd aid kit
A tent, camper, hammock
Have we mentioned? – GOOD BEER!
A willlingness to accept/give bribes.
Fanny pack
bike shoes
NO - fireworks
Toilet paper - because you never know
Plenty of ice - because keeping things cold is good thing
A Stein or Mug for Friday night's keg(s)
Bug spray
Water - there is no drinking water available at the festival site.
Butter - you never know when you'll get stuck somewhere
Humor gland - because most of the shit that happens at GF is humorous
Zip-off convertible bra
Go-Go dancers
Glow Sticks
Beach Balls
A ride home, cause we're not going your direction.
Special local Beer for the Saturday Night Pot-Luck Baby Pools
Bladder bra for your secret/suggestive boozing
Booze if you don't like beer (what are you, weird?) – we like weird!
NO Bad Attitudes – gnome-fest is a judgment free, love in style, bike joint
Booze for the Dirt Cat
Other 'stuff' for bribes.
Epic, Raging dance party - Let's do this.
Costume for Saturday Night
Fairy Dust


Fireworks - The fire risk this year is extreme due to this summer's drought


xtracycleTony said...

Should we bring beer? :)

xtracycleTony said...

Should I bring beer?

Sam Weinberg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.